Don't look back, Rachel. Run. Run with all you have forward, onward, upward.
In the past three months, my life has changed. Drastically. I have been altered in such a way that it can never be undone. I will come to terms with that. I will keep running, and I won't look back. Death is all that I would see if I were to turn back, and I know that. Hopeless and black. I'm not that naive. I'm smart enough to know and calm enough to go. This could have been much easier...
But it's in the past, and I'm looking forward. My cousin got married yesterday. Bethe and Will got married last weekend. It's going to be quite a while before I'm ready for that. I know that now. I know that I want to establish my life before I decide to join it with someone else's. I will go to college, get a degree, learn how to cook all different kinds of food, live in Switzerland for a year, then maybe Australia or Ireland. Who knows? But I will go. I will run. I will fly before I nest and no one will stop me.
However, I've been thinking a lot about my wedding. Oh, you wanna know all the stuff that I'm thinking??? Okay, fine, I'll tell you. (: In my invitations I will tell all of my guests to bring a candle to the wedding and as they walk in the door of the church, they will be handed a lighting stick which they will take into the sactuary and light from a pile of fire in a dish, representing the fire of God, and from there light their candle. Then they will place their lit candles at the front of the stage so that when the process is complete the front of the stage will be lined will candles lit by everyone that I love and care about and that means something to me and my soon to be husband. (:
Then, I think that instead of carrying a bouquet, I may just carry a candle of my own with my father and my mother on my sides. (The grooms candle will be lit, as will mine be lit as I walk towards him, then we will meet and go together to light our unity candle and sybolically start our lives together. Also, I think that throughout the entirety of the seromony that myself and my future husband will stand at least a yard apart, so that when the pastor says, "you may now kiss your bride," there's a little bit of a suspence build up before it.
So, now you know that you probably won't want to miss my wedding. Why? Because there's a good chance that I'll burn the church down and tackle my newly wed husband right there on the stage. Talk about a GRAND FINALE! Haha (: Ohhhh dear, I have so many thoughts and hopes...
I've got to watch the girls tomorrow. Then, I'm going to Norman to get my phone looked at and fixed and to buy Call Of Duty, maybe. And sometime inbetween everything I need to write my essay and some articles. Welp, so much for a three day weekend! Good night, sweet world.
<3
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I need to work on my couragousness.
Who am I? I am a child of the Lord. Sooooo, that means I shouldn't allow myself to be bullied right??? RIGHT! However, I am. My mom told me this evening that if I wanted her to come up to the school and punch her that she would. Wow. My mom is offering to beat up a girl for me... Should I feel appreciative, or super lame. Well, I feel both I guess. I let her make me so uncomfortable that I had to leave on Thursday before the class I have her in. I'm having a really hard time looking past everything and just ignoring her like I'd LOVE to. My human heart just won't let go though. I hate grudges and hard feelings. I hate that she doesn't like me. Everyone likes me. It's driving me absolutely bonkers. I need lots of focused prayer and contentment. She can't get me. The Lord is my rock and I WILL stand strong. :D
On to lighter and more FUN topics! I went to a wedding in Texas this weekend and it was incredible! I got to go to rehersal dinner and give William and Bethe both their presents and they loved them. (: I was pretty proud that I made them both. People should make their presents more often. People should make things in general more often. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and pride that really can't be beaten. I loved it. (: I made Bethe a little notebook with the cutest design all over it and I wrote a little note to her on the inside. And then for Will, I made him a playlist of songs that he will deffinately NEEEED as he gets married, and then I wrote a two page long letter to him that contained the explaination for each song in it.
That was incredible in itself to see them and be there and watch their slide show and stuff. I bawled. BUT THEN, the next day, my cousin Sarah did Bethe's hair and one of her brides maid's, so I got invited over to her house to just hang out and what not. I'm telling you, it was so much fun. I got to talk to everyone from the bridal party, see her before and after, talk to the photographers, eat delivered chick-fil-a, and now I'm having deja vu as I write this... Creepy. Okay, well I didn't eat any, but I was offered it which made me feel a part. I don't know, it was just cool. (:
Then it was time for the wedding, and everyone transformed into these glorious beings so we could attend this glorious wedding, which it was. It was held in TCU's chappel, very simply decorated. Her dress was beautiful, their vows and letters were beautiful, the service was beatiful, their commitment to the Lord was beautiful, Will was even beautiful. I needed this wedding more than probably anyone realizes. It encouraged me to remember the hope I once had for my future husband. I've regained that hope. I know that it may be a long time before I meet him, and for my sake, I hope that it is. I have a lot of living and growing up to do before I join myself with someone else. Bethe and Will are two incredible people, and she was 32 and he was 28 before they finally found eachother. Why in the world have I been rushing?! I've got PLENTY of time for that. I'm going to soak up being single. I'm going to draw nearer to the Lord and focus on what I want to do with my life and I couldn't be more excited! God is good, amen? (:
Anyways, I bawled twice as hard at the wedding; I loved it to pieces. It made me so incredibly happy for both of them that they have found such a secure relationship and foundation in the Lord. THEN, okay? THEEEEENN there was the reception, which was held and the Bass Hall in Downtown Fort Worth. Ever been? Yeah, they hold proms there; it was huge and fancy and a lot nicer than I could ever hope for mine to be. They had a buffet, and three different flavors of cake balls and this awesome punch. Lol There was a bar and a dance floor with a DJ, and all kinds of people to wait on your hand and foot. I tell you what, I think I'm gonna be a wedding planner. Oh yeah, definately an option.
Needless to say, I'm kind of exhausted. I got home today at like two, went to sleep, woke up at 7:30. Had some chilli, watched some TV, applied online for Walgreens (yay...), and now I'm on here talking to you lovely people! (;
The moral of the story is folks, don't forget what love is really about, and don't lose hope in it either. <3
On to lighter and more FUN topics! I went to a wedding in Texas this weekend and it was incredible! I got to go to rehersal dinner and give William and Bethe both their presents and they loved them. (: I was pretty proud that I made them both. People should make their presents more often. People should make things in general more often. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and pride that really can't be beaten. I loved it. (: I made Bethe a little notebook with the cutest design all over it and I wrote a little note to her on the inside. And then for Will, I made him a playlist of songs that he will deffinately NEEEED as he gets married, and then I wrote a two page long letter to him that contained the explaination for each song in it.
That was incredible in itself to see them and be there and watch their slide show and stuff. I bawled. BUT THEN, the next day, my cousin Sarah did Bethe's hair and one of her brides maid's, so I got invited over to her house to just hang out and what not. I'm telling you, it was so much fun. I got to talk to everyone from the bridal party, see her before and after, talk to the photographers, eat delivered chick-fil-a, and now I'm having deja vu as I write this... Creepy. Okay, well I didn't eat any, but I was offered it which made me feel a part. I don't know, it was just cool. (:
Then it was time for the wedding, and everyone transformed into these glorious beings so we could attend this glorious wedding, which it was. It was held in TCU's chappel, very simply decorated. Her dress was beautiful, their vows and letters were beautiful, the service was beatiful, their commitment to the Lord was beautiful, Will was even beautiful. I needed this wedding more than probably anyone realizes. It encouraged me to remember the hope I once had for my future husband. I've regained that hope. I know that it may be a long time before I meet him, and for my sake, I hope that it is. I have a lot of living and growing up to do before I join myself with someone else. Bethe and Will are two incredible people, and she was 32 and he was 28 before they finally found eachother. Why in the world have I been rushing?! I've got PLENTY of time for that. I'm going to soak up being single. I'm going to draw nearer to the Lord and focus on what I want to do with my life and I couldn't be more excited! God is good, amen? (:
Anyways, I bawled twice as hard at the wedding; I loved it to pieces. It made me so incredibly happy for both of them that they have found such a secure relationship and foundation in the Lord. THEN, okay? THEEEEENN there was the reception, which was held and the Bass Hall in Downtown Fort Worth. Ever been? Yeah, they hold proms there; it was huge and fancy and a lot nicer than I could ever hope for mine to be. They had a buffet, and three different flavors of cake balls and this awesome punch. Lol There was a bar and a dance floor with a DJ, and all kinds of people to wait on your hand and foot. I tell you what, I think I'm gonna be a wedding planner. Oh yeah, definately an option.
Needless to say, I'm kind of exhausted. I got home today at like two, went to sleep, woke up at 7:30. Had some chilli, watched some TV, applied online for Walgreens (yay...), and now I'm on here talking to you lovely people! (;
The moral of the story is folks, don't forget what love is really about, and don't lose hope in it either. <3
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