Don't look back.

Don't look back, Rachel. Run. Run with all you have forward, onward, upward.

In the past three months, my life has changed. Drastically. I have been altered in such a way that it can never be undone. I will come to terms with that. I will keep running, and I won't look back. Death is all that I would see if I were to turn back, and I know that. Hopeless and black. I'm not that naive. I'm smart enough to know and calm enough to go. This could have been much easier...

But it's in the past, and I'm looking forward. My cousin got married yesterday. Bethe and Will got married last weekend. It's going to be quite a while before I'm ready for that. I know that now. I know that I want to establish my life before I decide to join it with someone else's. I will go to college, get a degree, learn how to cook all different kinds of food, live in Switzerland for a year, then maybe Australia or Ireland. Who knows? But I will go. I will run. I will fly before I nest and no one will stop me.

However, I've been thinking a lot about my wedding. Oh, you wanna know all the stuff that I'm thinking??? Okay, fine, I'll tell you. (: In my invitations I will tell all of my guests to bring a candle to the wedding and as they walk in the door of the church, they will be handed a lighting stick which they will take into the sactuary and light from a pile of fire in a dish, representing the fire of God, and from there light their candle. Then they will place their lit candles at the front of the stage so that when the process is complete the front of the stage will be lined will candles lit by everyone that I love and care about and that means something to me and my soon to be husband. (:

Then, I think that instead of carrying a bouquet, I may just carry a candle of my own with my father and my mother on my sides. (The grooms candle will be lit, as will mine be lit as I walk towards him, then we will meet and go together to light our unity candle and sybolically start our lives together. Also, I think that throughout the entirety of the seromony that myself and my future husband will stand at least a yard apart, so that when the pastor says, "you may now kiss your bride," there's a little bit of a suspence build up before it.

So, now you know that you probably won't want to miss my wedding. Why? Because there's a good chance that I'll burn the church down and tackle my newly wed husband right there on the stage. Talk about a GRAND FINALE! Haha (: Ohhhh dear, I have so many thoughts and hopes...

I've got to watch the girls tomorrow. Then, I'm going to Norman to get my phone looked at and fixed and to buy Call Of Duty, maybe. And sometime inbetween everything I need to write my essay and some articles. Welp, so much for a three day weekend! Good night, sweet world.

<3